Recover Your Sovereignty
(Recover Your Sovereignty post is inspired by a phrase in Buddha Mind, Buddha Body book by the beloved Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh—highly recommended.)
As you read, keep an open mind; may you reclaim your sovereignty in this lifetime.
As I navigate our human nature, I face multiple obstacles that can hinder me from tapping into my authentic self—the self that, in essence, is very similar to yours. How do I recover my sovereignty from these mental and emotional obstacles?
Recover Your Sovereignty
The first obstacle is recovering from our life experiences. For me, it’s essential to peel away the layers that life—in all its beauty and suffering—has wrapped around me.
Think of the defense mechanisms I developed as a child to survive—mechanisms that no longer serve me today—or the way my relationships with parents and teachers shape how I view authority now. To live a happy life from my essence, I must explore how to bring peace to these experiences, recover from them, and remain on the path of healing.
Without recovery, I remain enslaved to patterns, thoughts, emotions, and choices dictated by my past—my history. To unchain myself from that history is not to ignore or reject it, but to make peace with it. Recovery is personal; it is not linear, nor can it be compared across individuals.
Post-Recovery
Post-recovery is a lifelong process. Whenever I make a choice or face a life-changing decision, I pause and assess:
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What is my intention?
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Is my behavior dictated by past experience? If so, how would it look if I tapped into my freer self?
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Is this coming from a place of love toward myself and the other?
Recovering from history requires diligence, honesty, and patience:
Diligence – Work hard and remain determined not to slip back into old patterns simply because they feel safe and familiar. Deepen your understanding of the experiences that created those patterns, and choose—each time—to move beyond them.
Honesty – Be honest with yourself. Don’t rely on “I’ve always done it this way” or “I’m like this because of that.” Look closely at where your true happiness lies.
Patience – The most important pillar. This isn’t linear; setbacks happen. When they do, apply diligence and honesty, then recommit to yourself.
Recover Your Sovereignty
After many years of mindfulness practice, co-active coaching, and life in the corporate world, I realized how tightly we humans cling to historical experience. In a workplace, for example, I might label someone as rude or uncooperative—and that judgment could influence a 360 review and their career—simply because my own unresolved past colored my perception.
I use the word enslaved deliberately. Our traumas and defense mechanisms trap us in patterns and behaviors that project suffering onto ourselves and others.
Recovering from this means finding freedom. It means tapping into the self that governs your own thoughts, emotions, feelings, and behaviors. When you do, you liberate yourself from the chains of history—and you break patterns that stretch back through generations.
Enjoy my other posts
Stop Blaming Your Parents: Turning Mindfulness into Self‑Responsibility. On this link.
Living in Peace: How to Find Inner Peace in this World? On this link.
How to Transform Self-Sabotage with Mindfulness and Love? On this link.
Emotional Identity and Pain: Who Are You Without the Struggle? On this link.
External Resources:
Zen & Engaged Buddhism:
Stop Blaming Your Parents: Turning Mindfulness into Self‑Responsibility
Blame Is a Scapegoat
For many years, I wished I had different parents from the ones I was born to. As a child, I imagined what life would be like with other parents—how I would behave, how I would be treated, what they could afford for me. I even pictured a home without arguments or disagreements.
That day‑dreaming followed me into my teenage years, but by then it carried anger and hatred toward both of them, each in different ways. I avoided contact and cocooned myself in a private world: a world of day‑dreams—of them being different people and of an alternate reality for myself—because the one I had felt too painful to fully experience (perhaps that warrants a dedicated post).
As time passed, my feelings evolved. I blamed them for everything: our poverty, the things we couldn’t afford, having to work full‑time to pay for university, even that my siblings had to help with tuition fees. Until about eight years ago, I blamed my parents for every misfortune I encountered, without taking any responsibility whatsoever.
Yet they could only love me.
With the little they had, they provided a home and an education through high school. They tried, with the best of intentions, to raise me, love me, and show me their way of life.
From Blame to Mindfulness
When I began my life‑changing journey of mindfulness, I touched an immense inner space I had never experienced before. That space called me back to my roots—my parents—where everything begins. It invited me to revisit them, rewire my day‑dreams, rescript my experience, and return to the child, teenager, and young adult who held so many feelings, thoughts, and anxieties—and to bring love to each of them.
I was invited to become curious about my lifelong patterns—the behaviors, thoughts, and situations I kept recreating, which carried the same pain and suffering I had known as a child.
These patterns were hindering my happiness.
I was acting out a textbook version of self‑sabotage.
I’m share my experience to say:
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You are not alone in this.
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You do not have to do it alone.
From Mindfulness to Responsibility
Mindfulness helped me become aware of my feelings, emotions, thoughts, and patterns—and what I need to do (and still need to do) to find happiness. Yet mindfulness alone is not enough. Other resources have helped me as well: systemic therapy, life coaching, books, and mindfulness practice together.
Use every resource at your disposal to release blame toward your parents and the unhappiness that follows. Owning our experience empowers us to act and tap into the inner wisdom we all possess—if we allow ourselves to listen.
Check out my other blogs and external links:
How to Transform Self-Sabotage with Mindfulness and Love? On this link.
Why We Mend Our Wounds, Not Heal Them (Yet)? On this link.
Is Awareness the Same as Freedom? On this link.
Feeling Overwhelmed by Personal Growth? On this link.
Learn more about healing your inner child On this link.
External Resources:
Zen & Engaged Buddhism: