Ashraf Monzer

Why Do You Feel You’re Not Worth It?

How often do you do something just for you?
Take yourself out for ice cream?
Book a massage?
Sit down with a journal or a hot tea and tend to your inner world?

Self-investment is an act of self-worth.
It tells you: I matter. I’m worth caring for.

But what if you’re not there yet?

What if you feel undeserving of rest, joy, or kindness?
And deep down, you feel you’re not “enough” to receive any of it?

The excuses show up:
“I’m too busy.”
“My kids need me.”
“My relationship is demanding.”
“I’m exhausted.”
The list goes on.

But have you looked yourself in the mirror—truly looked—and asked why you’re putting yourself last?

How to rebuild self-worth and overcome inner criticism

What’s Blocking You From Seeing Your Worth?

That inner belief—that you are not enough—didn’t come from nowhere.

It may have started in childhood:
A punishing parent. Emotional neglect. Verbal abuse.
Moments that made you feel like your needs were too much, your voice too loud, your softness too weak.

Unhealed trauma creates stories we carry for decades.
Stories that whisper: You’re not worth it.
Not worth care.
or the love.
Not even your own kindness.

But none of that is true.

How Do You Start Loving Yourself Again?

Start small.
Whisper something kind to yourself in the mirror.
Say it out loud if you can.
Look into your own eyes and say:
“I’m worthy of care.”
“I’m still here. And that matters.”

Remember your resilience.
And the joy you’ve given others.
Remember the steps you’ve taken to reach where you are.

You Deserve to Be Taken Care Of—By You

You shine—just like a sunrise.
Every single morning.
Whether you see it or not.

And like the sunrise, your beauty doesn’t depend on someone else noticing it.

It’s just there.
Unfolding. Quiet. Undeniable.

How to rebuild self-worth and overcome inner criticism

Other reads:

More about my offerings on this link.

About mindfulness on this link.

Learn more about healing your inner child on this link.

External Resources:

Zen & Engaged Buddhism:

Plum Village 

EIAB

How Many Times Have You Had to Let Go?

Think of the moments you’ve had to let go—voluntarily or not.
A person. A pet. A job. A dream. A version of yourself.

Loss is part of life, and yet, letting go never seems to get easier.
Take a moment: can you recall your most recent experience of loss?
What did it feel like?

Whether it’s a breakup, the passing of a loved one, a shift in career, or something as small as a childhood pet—you may notice a pattern in how you deal with it.

A Lesson from a Small Loss

Recently, my niece lost her hamster. For her, this was the first tangible experience of loss within her household.

She has a few choices:

• She can cling to the memory and wish it never happened

• She can mourn, accept the loss, and move forward

• Or she can suppress her feelings and pretend the hamster never existed

And that third option? It’s the most dangerous. Because what’s suppressed doesn’t disappear. It resurfaces—often disguised as something else, in moments we least expect.

As Adults, We Do the Same

Clinging isn’t just about pets or relationships.
It’s about the emotional patterns beneath them.

• Maybe you cling to people because you fear abandonment

• Or hold tightly to a job title because it validates your worth

• You might rush to replace loss because you can’t tolerate emptiness

The cling itself is not the problem. It’s a symptom.
What’s underneath?

A Few Questions to Ask Yourself

• What am I clinging to right now?

• What deeper wound might be fueling this attachment?

• Am I looking outward for something I need to cultivate within?

• What memory or emotion needs my attention and compassion?

Letting Go Is Not Abandonment—It’s a Return

When you begin to recognize your attachments with curiosity—not shame—you begin the process of release.

Letting go doesn’t mean you stop loving or caring.
It means you stop outsourcing your wholeness.
You return home to yourself.

And from there, you realize:

You are enough.
You are worthy of joy.
And capable of holding yourself through loss—and still choosing love.

Other Reads

More about my offerings on this link.

About mindfulness on this link.

Learn more about healing your inner child on this link.

External Resources:

Zen & Engaged Buddhism:

Plum Village 

EIAB

The everlasting personal development seeking syndrome?

This is a personal reflection—part observation, part opinion, part lived experience. Take it gently. Not too seriously. It’s about: Personal development and the trap of constant seeking

When I began my personal development journey six years ago, I was like freshly kneaded dough—soft, open, easily shaped.

I met many practitioners who had already lined up their calendars with trainings, retreats, and workshops. At first, I was inspired. But then, something started to bother me.

It was a question that kept returning:

“Is this what personal development means?”
“Am I meant to be constantly searching for someone else to show me the way?”

I noticed something beneath the surface—a restlessness. A constant reaching.
People were always looking for the next thing that might fix their relationships, their traumas, their families, their inner wounds.

The topic didn’t matter. The approach didn’t change.
The hunger to be fixed was endless.

Looking Inward, Not Just Outward

It took me time to realize that always seeking solutions “out there” often means we’re avoiding what’s already within.

Have you ever stopped to look inward—truly?
Placed a hand on your belly, your chest, and simply listened?

Because yes, teachings can guide.
Yes, mentors can help.
But wisdom? Wisdom is not given.
It is remembered.

What Happens When We Depend on Others for Our Growth?

When you rely constantly on others to show you the way, you might forget that you already have the map. You just haven’t looked at it in a while.

You already hold the intuition, the experience, the insight to face your path.
When you trust that inner compass, external tools become support—not crutches.

The process of accessing your wisdom can be taught.
But wisdom itself? It is not transferrable.
It lives within you.

Why It Matters

When you live in constant search mode, you become an “everlasting seeker.”
You collect tools but never use them.
You gather teachings but never integrate them.

And stay busy—but disconnected.

This seeking can be a coping mechanism. A way to avoid sitting with the discomfort of what’s already known but not yet healed.

Nature Has Its Own Wisdom

A calf stops feeding on its mother’s milk when it’s ready to find nourishment on its own. It doesn’t reject guidance—it outgrows it. That’s evolution. That’s trust.

The same is true for us.

Let your learning nourish you.
But remember: you are not incomplete.
You are not broken.
You don’t need to chase forever to become whole.

Personal development and the trap of constant seeking

Other Reads

More about my offerings on this link.

About mindfulness on this link.

Learn more about healing your inner child on this link.

External Resources:

Zen & Engaged Buddhism:

Plum Village 

EIAB

When Was the Last Time You Truly Embraced Yourself?

Have you ever paused to feel satisfied with your whole self—your strengths, your flaws, your complexity?

Growing up takes emotional courage.
But for many of us, emotional maturity gets interrupted by patterns we develop to protect ourselves.
Over time, those protective patterns become familiar… comforting, even.
So much so, we may not realize they’re holding us back.

Early Disappointments Shape Our Outlook

The lens through which we view the world is shaped early in life.

What if that lens was built around disappointment?
Around caution, skepticism, or fear of things not lasting?

You may find yourself stuck in a repeating cycle:
When life begins to feel good, you unconsciously anticipate that it’s too good to be true.
So what do you do?

You create the ending yourself—before life can disappoint you.

A Common Example: Sabotaging Relationships

Imagine you’re in a healthy, loving relationship.
Six months in, things are going well.

But you start feeling uncomfortable.
Unfamiliar with this level of ease, your mind begins crafting stories:
“Is this really what I want?”
“Something must be off…”
“I’m not sure this is working.”

Instead of exploring those doubts with care, you pull away.
You flee.
Or worse, you sabotage.

All because you’re trying to protect yourself from a potential disappointment that hasn’t even arrived.

So What’s the Way Through?

Ask yourself:

• Where did I first learn that good things don’t last?

• What role has fear of disappointment played in my past?

• What am I protecting myself from?

You can’t change your past, but you can become aware of the beliefs you carry from it.
And in that awareness, you begin to shift.

Reclaiming Joy, One Choice at a Time

You don’t have unlimited time. None of us do.
So ask yourself:

• How do I want to live with the time I do have?

• What if I met joy with openness instead of fear?

• What if I stopped cutting things short just to avoid being hurt?

Letting life unfold without scripting the end is risky—yes.
But it’s also freeing.
Because you’re not here to avoid disappointment.

You’re here to live.

Other Reads:

More about my offerings on this link.

About mindfulness on this link.

Learn more about healing your inner child on this link.

External Resources:

Zen & Engaged Buddhism:

Plum Village 

EIAB

Why Do You Tolerate Abusive Behavior?

According to mentalhelp.net, abuse is a relationship in which one person misuses or mistreats another. The words “misuse” and “mistreat” imply that a line—an internal or societal standard—has been crossed. Understanding and healing from patterns of abuse is a life journey. It starts and ends with self love.

What makes abuse human is intention. Unlike nature or animals, humans are conscious beings. Our actions hold weight. And when that consciousness is used to control, belittle, or harm—something sacred is broken.

Let’s Bring It Closer to Home

Think back to your most recent experience with abusive behavior:
Was it mental? Emotional? Physical?
Did it come from someone else—or from within?

Was your inner child quietly enduring what it had learned was “normal”?
Did you freeze, blush, shrink, or become numb?

These aren’t signs of weakness.
They’re survival responses—learned behaviors shaped by your earliest environments.

Accepting Abuse Is Not Your Fault

If you’ve found yourself accepting abuse in your life, please know: it is not shameful.
There’s no blame here—only understanding.

Tolerating harmful behavior is often a symptom of deeper wounds.
It usually stems from damaged self-worth. From years of internalizing the belief that you’re not worthy of better.

Maybe no one taught you how to set boundaries.
Maybe those boundaries were constantly crossed in your childhood.

But here’s the truth:

You deserve better.
You deserve kindness, love, safety.
You deserve to be spoken to gently, treated with respect, and loved with care.

How Do You Begin Setting Boundaries?

The first step is reclaiming your sense of worth.

Boundaries are not about building walls.
They’re about defining where you end and others begin.

With support—through coaching, mentoring, or self-reflection—you can begin to relearn:

• What makes you feel safe

• What is okay and not okay

• Where healthy challenge ends and harm begins

You can grow from discomfort.
But abuse is not growth.
Abuse is a rupture.

It All Starts With This

Realizing that you are worthy of love—this is your turning point.

Let that love flow:

• From you to yourself

• Others to you

• From you to those around you

This is how healing begins: from the inside out.

Other Reads:

More about my offerings on this link.

About mindfulness on this link.

Learn more about healing your inner child on this link.

External Resources:

Zen & Engaged Buddhism:

Plum Village 

EIAB

What Do You Do With All That Freedom?

When you embark on a personal development journey, you begin to untangle what’s been knotted for years.

Some moments are difficult.
Some are uncertain.
Others are full of light, hope, and surprise.

And then—suddenly—you find space within yourself.
A vastness.
A breath.
Freedom.

It might feel unfamiliar… even uncomfortable.
But that space is your creation.
And what you do with it now—that’s up to you.

What Does Emotional Freedom Feel Like?

The cage that once held your pain has opened.
What you feel is liberation—but also vulnerability.

This space within might feel like:

• Anxiousness

• Boredom

• Restlessness

• Curiosity

• Joy

Why?
Because you’re not used to being without your old emotions.
You’re not used to the quiet after the storm.

And that’s okay.

Imagine yourself as a bird, long trapped in a cage.
One day, the door opens—not because someone rescued you,
but because you set yourself free.

Now the question becomes:
Do you fly?
rest?
stay still and savor?

There is no wrong answer.

How to Live in This New Space

Freedom isn’t loud.
It’s not always exhilarating.

Sometimes, it feels like stillness.
 like softness.
Sometimes, like uncertainty.

The key is not to rush.

Allow this inner openness to unfold.
You don’t have to fill it immediately.
You can simply be with it.

Let the “yeah, but…” thoughts come—and pass.
The old patterns knock without inviting them in.
Let your nervous system adjust to what peace feels like.

This is transformation.
And this is how freedom lands—quiet, gentle, and real.

Other Reads:

More about my offerings on this link.

About mindfulness on this link.

Learn more about healing your inner child on this link.

External Resources:

Zen & Engaged Buddhism:

Plum Village 

EIAB

Embracing Your Suffering—Then What?

I’ve been on a journey to discover what lies beneath the surface—beyond the parts of myself I know and understand, and deeper into the unconscious patterns that shape me. Emotional healing by embracing suffering and leading from the heart comes as an insight which I would like to share with you, right now as you read it.

The findings? Eye-opening.
And you may discover the same when you begin to look inward.

Where Do You Begin?

Start by understanding this:
You are not an isolated, standalone being.

Your identity—your emotional core—is deeply shaped by your family of origin: parents, siblings, caregivers.
If you work with a coach or therapist, this is essential ground to explore.

Why? Because this emotional blueprint influences how you respond, connect, and make decisions.

Leading From the Heart vs. the Intellect

When faced with a situation—at home, at work, or anywhere—your first instinct comes from your heart. But most of us are trained to suppress that instinct and respond from the intellect.

The intellect, while valuable, is shaped by layers of past experiences and coping strategies.

But the heart?
The heart holds your purest truth.

What Happens When the Intellect Takes Over?

Over time, we’re shaped by culture, trauma, and the need to belong.
We adapt. We mold ourselves to survive.

This adaptation often suppresses our true nature—our emotions, instincts, and intuition.

It’s like trying to drive your car straight into your office. It’s not meant for that.
The intellect helps you park. But only the heart can help you live.

Leading From the Heart Means Accepting Suffering

We’re wired to avoid pain.
We seek shortcuts. We distract ourselves. We analyze instead of feel.

But the real work—the healing work—requires you to sit with your pain.
To stop bypassing.
To allow yourself to feel fully.

Because true transformation doesn’t happen by skipping the hard parts.
It happens by feeling them through.

What Does This Look Like?

• Acknowledging your emotions without needing to fix them

• Sitting with discomfort and learning from it

• Understanding that your patterns were protective, but they no longer serve you

• Peeling back the layers of adaptation until you find the truth of who you are

There Are No Shortcuts to Living Fully

You can survive by avoiding pain.
But to truly live? You must go through it.

This is what it means to lead from the heart.

No bypassing. No masks. No shortcuts.
Only presence.
truth.
Only you.

Emotional healing by embracing suffering and leading from the heart.

Other Reads:

More about my offerings on this link.

About mindfulness on this link.

Learn more about healing your inner child on this link.

External Resources:

Zen & Engaged Buddhism:

Plum Village 

EIAB

You are free.
Free from judgment, anger, and hate.
Free from greed, desire, and anxiety.
Free from irritation, sadness, and your deepest wounds.
Free from lust, agony, and long-held trauma.

Fly as light as a feather carried by a soft summer breeze.
Fly as steady as a bird drifting on warm winds.
Leave the baggage behind.
Start again.

Fly as if you were born just moments ago—
free from stories, experiences, and the weight of your past.

No more crests or troughs.
No need to look back.

Feel the softness of yourself.
The kindness of your soul.
The gentle presence in your fingertips.
Let your breath show you the world—worry-free.

Inhale.
Exhale.
Roam this world, mindfully.
And when you’re ready, open your eyes again.

It’s a new day.
A space for your smile.
Your kindness.
Your gentle thoughts.

You are free.
And freedom begins in this breath.

Other Reads:

More about my offerings on this link.

About mindfulness on this link.

Learn more about healing your inner child on this link.

External Resources:

Zen & Engaged Buddhism:

Plum Village 

EIAB