Why Do You Tolerate Abusive Behavior?

According to mentalhelp.net, abuse is a relationship in which one person misuses or mistreats another. The words “misuse” and “mistreat” imply that a line—an internal or societal standard—has been crossed. Understanding and healing from patterns of abuse is a life journey. It starts and ends with self love.

What makes abuse human is intention. Unlike nature or animals, humans are conscious beings. Our actions hold weight. And when that consciousness is used to control, belittle, or harm—something sacred is broken.

Let’s Bring It Closer to Home

Think back to your most recent experience with abusive behavior:
Was it mental? Emotional? Physical?
Did it come from someone else—or from within?

Was your inner child quietly enduring what it had learned was “normal”?
Did you freeze, blush, shrink, or become numb?

These aren’t signs of weakness.
They’re survival responses—learned behaviors shaped by your earliest environments.

Accepting Abuse Is Not Your Fault

If you’ve found yourself accepting abuse in your life, please know: it is not shameful.
There’s no blame here—only understanding.

Tolerating harmful behavior is often a symptom of deeper wounds.
It usually stems from damaged self-worth. From years of internalizing the belief that you’re not worthy of better.

Maybe no one taught you how to set boundaries.
Maybe those boundaries were constantly crossed in your childhood.

But here’s the truth:

You deserve better.
You deserve kindness, love, safety.
You deserve to be spoken to gently, treated with respect, and loved with care.

How Do You Begin Setting Boundaries?

The first step is reclaiming your sense of worth.

Boundaries are not about building walls.
They’re about defining where you end and others begin.

With support—through coaching, mentoring, or self-reflection—you can begin to relearn:

  • What makes you feel safe

  • What is okay and not okay

  • Where healthy challenge ends and harm begins

You can grow from discomfort.
But abuse is not growth.
Abuse is a rupture.

It All Starts With This

Realizing that you are worthy of love—this is your turning point.

Let that love flow:

  • From you to yourself

  • Others to you

  • From you to those around you

This is how healing begins: from the inside out.

Other Reads:

More about my offerings on this link.

About mindfulness on this link.

Learn more about healing your inner child on this link.

External Resources:

Zen & Engaged Buddhism:

Plum Village 

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